Against Free Sex

Ladies and gentlemen!

As you know, Megahard is by far the most successful company in the sex business. We have been one of the first companies to bring to market sex-related products and services, and we have known better than our competitors what consumers wanted. Pornographic images that suggest more than they show. Sex accessories like dolls that are just a bit bigger in certain spots, and that break down just a bit quicker.

Nobody understands better than us that what matters in business is not customer satisfaction after the fact, but customer horniness before. People do not really pay for the use of our products. They pay for their own desire for satisfaction; for the prospect of enjoyment. Whether or not this satisfaction materializes is beside the point. And you know what happens with human needs: they keep coming back regardless. We always offer the desired prospect - sometimes with persuasive adaptations to keep up innovative appearances - and, lo and behold, the customer keeps paying. Our marketing slogan How do you want to come today reflects this business practice.

Our business model has been trend-setting, and has made the whole of the sex business blossom. We dominate this business, and we will make sure it stays that way whatever it takes. But in the meantime there are many companies that can make a little profit of their own, with products and services that sometimes seem so sexy and exciting that even we can learn from them. As you may know we like to learn from our competitors.

Because of Megahards leadership in this business we feel responsible for the long-term success of the sex industry. It is in the interest of everybody who makes money out of sex, that we blow the whistle over a development that threatens the very existence of our moneyspinner.

It turns out that our market, which for years has been so healthy and profitable, is slowly going bad by the rise of free sex. Our analists report that more and more people are having sex just like that. I'm not talking illegal imitation or copying of commercial sex products, and I'm not talking moonlighting in prostitution. Of course this happens too, and we work to eradicate these practices, but we understand them because the culprits want a profit. But the phenomenon I refer to isn't associated with any kind of financial transaction. To say it very clearly: more and more people make love because they like it.

I can't stress sufficiently how damaging and threatening this is to our industry. Not only do we lose money in the short term, it is also conceivable that free sex gives more satisfaction than commercial sex. There is a rumour, and our analists have the impression that there is some truth to it, that many people like the free product more during the act, and are more satisfied afterwards as well. One effect that seems to play a role is the fact that people not only experience a higher quality of sex as such, but also somehow get to like each other more - without any money being involved, mind you. Our investigators confirm this, but they are still looking for a cause of this strange and dangerous effect, which in the long term can destroy the whole of our business.

It's clear that measures need to be taken. First, I propose we cast doubt on the value and safety of free sex. We can stress that its quality is not guaranteed as long as there is no company behind it. Megahard will once again lead the way here. Then there may be opportunities in the field of law. We may lobby for 'innovation' - politicians like that. If we blow up our inventions concerning devices, positions and services, keep silent about those from the free sector, spread horror stories about jobs on the line and maybe (for this president) play the nationalist card, we stand a reasonable chance of getting free sex outlawed.

Do I have your support?